See, I'm Real
by JustCookie
Summary: She wore black and blue bruises in the shape of my hands around her neck. I moved away from her. I zipped up my jeans and leaned against the stonewall over looking the lake. "For an illusion, she felt so real." Non-Con James/Maria


Title: See, I'm Real

Author: JustCookie

Date: 6-24-2010

Game: Silent Hill 2

Characters: James Sunderland, Mary Shepard-Sunderland, and Maria

Copyright: I DO NOT own or make any profit from this story. Silent Hill and its characters belong to the Konami Corporation of Tokyo. I am just a huge fan. Don't sue, please. XD

[S][I][L][E][N][T] [H][I][L][L]

Bullet ridden, bleeding, and decaying.

The monster that once wore the face of my beloved is dead at my feet. I resist the urge to smash its head in…or hold her to my chest and cry softly into the greasy hair. I look at her—_it_ now on the cold metal grating of the floor and I still see the face of my wife. Under the festering, rotting, gray and black flesh—I see Mary. It—_she_ was strapped to the rusting metal hospital bed, her limbs and hands bound, unable to move…only slight twitches could be conceived. At least, when she—_it_ was alive.

She was alive before I took my hunting rifle and…

The black contents of the monster's body leaked out in a pooling fashion, staining the metal grating below it. The moths that aided the monster's attacks also fell to the ground. Some motionless while others jerked pathetically, slowly dying now that its master has been vanquished by my hand. One was drudging past my brown shoe, squeaking sadly—it flopped on to its back. I lifted my foot slightly with the intention of putting it out of its misery.

But before I could…

It died.

I grimaced and toed it aside with my shoe; it got in the way of my view of Mary.

I turned back to face her.

I was startled. She was changing.

The face had become hollow and sunken, same with the rest of the body. What frightened me the most was that the eyes remained opened—wide and terrified, yet so angry and disturbed. The hair was now slightly gray and rusted, much like the metal bed it was confined to. The arms and legs were skeletal and brittle looking. My nose twitched, offended by the odor now admitting from the bullet holes. It smelled of blood and rotting flesh and staleness. It was nauseating and even worse to look at.

I wanted to touch her.

My hand twitched. Clenched and unclenched over again, jittery with anticipation. I slowly moved my hand towards the face. I kneeled down, my right knee drenched in the black blood…my hand is so close. I felt my fore fingertip ghost over the sunken flesh.

I blinked.

The face had turned to ash and cracked and fell from the skeleton in dusty chunks. The rest of the body followed suit. Strange cracking and bubbling noises invaded the air as the monster fell apart. The skeleton itself was not white but rusted much like the rest of the town. Brown and red and black, crusted with age. But how can a skeleton rust, when it is not metal? I should know better to question anything in this place anymore. I stood up to look at the dusty stain on the floor. The bed was still there but the body had disintegrated as if a hundred or more years had passed in a matter of seconds. The stain was in the shape of Mary. Its arms raised high above the head, the fingers twisted and grasping for something. Much like she had been when confined to the bed. Grasping for life.

I brought my hand to my mouth and kissed my palm.

I almost wanted to bite it.

I touched the outline that was left of the Mary monster with my hand; it was now dirty from the soot. There was nothing else I could do.

I could not look anymore. With a breathy gasp, I turned away from my destruction and headed towards the long metal stairway, my footsteps clanking and echoing throughout the area. It was cold and uninviting as I made my trek downward. I dare not touch the dirty metal railing I kept my eyes on my feet. With every step I took I can feel the vibration throughout the stairs. Once at the bottom I took one final look up where I left Mary and walked through the doors.

Where to now?

[S][I][L][E][N][T] [H][I][L][L]

How I ended up at Rosewater Park is beyond me. I leaned against the cold metal railing and looked out towards horizon, at least what I could make out through this Hellish fog. I hanged my head and gave out a sigh. What kind of man am I now? Or have I been the man I have always been, but nobody told me?

I slaughtered monsters.

I killed Eddie.

I murdered my wife.

I couldn't save…

I am not satisfied with this ending. I feel incomplete and hollow. Something was wrong with me. I survived this Hellish journey; I am alive which is ten times more then what I can say for those I have killed. I needed something more, I feel like searching for that something.

"Did you kill Mary, again?"

"That wasn't Mary…Mary's gone…" Damn it, I sound pathetic, "That was just something I…_Maria _?"

I turned my head to see a tall beautiful blonde before me. Her bright purple and pink clothing contrasted against the gray and dull scenery around her. She also leaned against the cold railing, looking out into the nothing. The fog only accentuated her bright green eyes and full pink lips. I traced her mouth with my eyes, drinking in every curve and detail that there is to see. I can feel a tightening in my chest and a strong pull towards her. I felt a horribly powerful urge to take her and…God damn it.

I stared intently at Maria, my eyes scanning her figure…. her black boots that clacked against the pavement as she walked…..her firm legs and thighs…..her flat naked belly…her full bust…..her long slender neck….her painted face.

"Maria?"

"What, James?"

"I want you….I want you….with me…."

At first she was thrown back with surprise, she then leaned in close to my face. I can smell her perfume, a much needed change from the smell of the blood on my clothing and shoes.

"Are you sure?"

I wanted to leave so badly. My heart was beating too fast to comprehend what was happening around me.

This isn't love.

But it wasn't that…_something_ that I needed either.

"C'mon, lets get out of here."

"What about Mary?" She grabbed hold of my arm to face me. I breathed in the cold, damp air and answered, "It's okay…I have _you_…" The light in my jacket pocket flash across her face, allowing me to see her better, which only made me feel even more strangely. She softly smiled and without a word pulled out a folded sheets of paper. I instantly knew what it was. She continued to smile and nodded as I looked into her eyes. I flattened the papers against my chest.

Together we both made our way to my car. Along the way I read what was written, Maria remained quiet, every so often she would grasp my hand or rub my shoulder.

I only read on.

~In my restless dreams,  
I see that town.

Silent Hill.

You promised you'd take me there again someday.  
But you never did.

Well I'm alone there now...

In our "special place."  
Waiting for you...

Waiting for you to come to see me.

But you never do.

And so I wait, wrapped in my cocoon of pain and loneliness.

I know I've done a terrible thing to you. Something you'll never forgive me for.

I wish I could change that, but I can't.

I feel so pathetic and ugly laying here, waiting for you...

Every day I stare up at the cracks in the ceiling and all I can think about is how unfair it all is...

The doctor came today.  
He told me I could go home for a short stay.

It's not that I'm getting better.  
It's just that this may be my last chance...

I think you know what I mean...

Even so, I'm glad to be coming home.  
I've missed you terribly.

But I'm afraid James.  
I'm afraid you don't really want me to come home.

Whenever you come see me, I can tell how hard it is on you...

I don't know if you hate me or pity me...  
Or maybe I just disgust you...

I'm sorry about that.

When I first learned that I was going to die, I just didn't want to accept it.

I was so angry all the time and I struck out at everyone I loved most.  
Especially you, James.

That's why I understand if you do hate me.

But I want you to know this, James.

I'll always love you.

Even though our life together had to end like this, I still wouldn't trade it for the world.  
We had some wonderful years together.

Well this letter has gone on too long so I'll say goodbye.

I told the nurse to give this to you after I'm gone.

That means that as you read this, I'm already dead.

I can't tell you to remember me, but I can't bear for you to forget me.

These last few years since I became ill...  
I'm so sorry for what I did to you, did to us...

You've given me so much and  
I haven't bee able to return a single thing.

That's why I want you to live for yourself now.  
Do what's best for you, James.

James...

You made me happy.~

[S][I][L][E][N][T] [H][I][L][L]

I pocketed the letter into my jacket as we climbed up the steps from the dirt path. I shook my head. Shouldn't I feel sadness or remorse or anything after reading Mary's letter? She loved me, I loved her, I hated her. Some kind of emotion, any emotion should be invoked from her words.

Yet nothing. Well there was something, but not what _should_ be there.

This is the woman I searched for all over Silent Hill and killed twice, for God sake.

Maria and I reached the top of the steps; we were so close to my car now.

What is this something still in my chest? Relief? No. I felt angry, sad, but hollow. I knew something was coming. Something was about to happen. I still had my hunting rifle with me. I grasped at it. Itching to use it? Dear God…what's happening…?

I clench my eyes shut almost painfully. I was brought back by the sound of coughing.

Maria bent at the waist and cough twice roughly.

"You better do something about that cough…"

"I'm fine, really. Just a tickle."

"Hm."

"James, are you alright?"

"Lets just get to my car…"

My voice felt and sounded gruff and possessive. I knew Maria heard it too. She just nodded and held my hand as we made it to my car. I apparently left the door open. Not that there was anyone around to steal it. Maria let go of my hand to walk around the car to get into the passenger seat. I wouldn't let her. I held onto her tightly. She let out a puff of air as her arm jerked in my hand, "James, do you mind….? I'm trying to..."

I only stared at her.

"Yeah, I do mind. That is…if YOU don't mind?"

"What the Hell…James c'mon, let's leave. Let's leave this place behind us, nothing good can come out of staying here. There's nothing but monsters…"

"Mary…Mary is NOT a monster…"

"I wasn't talking about—I didn't mean—"

"I know what you meant…"

"No you don't, I didn't mean anything. Look I saw the same things you did, we're both on edge and need to leave…"

"I feel like I shouldn't," I can see the confusion on her face. Her mouth hung open and she shook her head in disbelief. She slightly laughed.

"You just said—James, you said you wanted to leave. You told me you—you wanted me. Don't you want me anymore? C'mon, I'm real, James. I don't hate you like Mary—"

"Mary? Mary? Mary doesn't hate me!"

"I'm sorry….." She looked down at the ground as I calmed myself. But my anxiety and anger thumped against my chest from inside me. It was awkwardly silent for a few seconds until Maria took a step towards me, her boot clacking as she did. Her hands made her way to my face. She cradled my jaw gently, she pushed closer to me—her breasts against my heaving chest. She looked up at me with her half lidded eyes. I can almost feel her heart beating through her.

"James….I've been waiting for you…."

Quickly, without warning I took in a breath of cold air. It was sharp and painful. My brain wandered away from me, I felt like I was spinning. I heard someone cry out to me…! Maria faded from my vision.

_/James, I've been waiting./ _

_/Mary…I'm sorry it took so long./ _

_/Didn't you want to see me?/ _

_/Yes! I wanted to see you. Even an illusion of you. That's why I came here!/ _

_/That's not true is it…you killed me./_

_/I couldn't watch you suffer!/ _

_/Don't make excuses James. I knew I was a burden on you. You must've hated me, that's why you got rid of me./ _

_/It's true…I might have had some of those feelings. It was a long three years. I was….tired./ _

_/And that's why you needed this "Maria" person? James…do you think I could ever forgive you for what you did?/ _

"J..es. Ja….mes. James. James! JAMES?" All I saw was darkness and fog and…..her face?

Mary.

Maria.

Mary.

Maria.

MARY?

MARIA?

MARY?

MARIA?

"James! What's wrong?"

"You're just an illusion…."

"W-what?"

"…just like everything else."

"Stop! Get AWAY!" The woman tumbled away from me; she fell on the cold ground. She quickly regained herself and tried to run away. I was able to clench my hand around her ankle. She fell once more; she let out a cry as she whimpered my name. I gave one tough tug and her body dragged across the rocky pavement. The tiny pebbles scratching her bare belly raw and bloody. She kicked at me. Tried to claw my face.

"Why? WHY? JAMES?"

I pinned her under me, the gravel digging into her back and my knees—but I continued to hold her there.

"Because…an illusion of you…is not enough…"

[S][I][L][E][N][T] [H][I][L][L]

History is repeating itself.

Once again, a bloody and beaten corpse lies at my feet.

Only this time, the flesh was soft and smooth, neither rotted nor decayed.

Her eyes were closed.

Her makeup was smeared.

Her hair was soft and silky, and smelled of strawberries.

She lay there, broken and naked.

Red markings can be seen across her chest, neck, back, and buttocks.

Her limbs and face were cold, but her lips were warm against my own.

She wore black and blue bruises in the shape of my hands around her neck.

I moved away from her. I zipped up my jeans and leaned against the stonewall over looking the lake. There was nothing to keep me company but the pure silence. It was so quiet, until I heard a strange noise. I twisted my head in all directions in perhaps discovering what I had heard. For a split second it sounded like…scraping. It did not last long, but I recognize it from somewhere. I gave one last look and shrugged it off.

It was probably nothing.

If it is something I have plenty of ammo to take care of it.

I continued my gaze into the nothing-ness.

I gave a quirky smirk. It felt so foreign to my lips, but so perfectly did it fit my face.

"For an illusion, she feltso real."

[E][N][D]

Author's Notes: So I have been a fan of Silent Hill for quite some time now but this is my first SH fanfiction. I personally don't like this one very much. But James is so damn crazy, how can I NOT write a story about him. And I don't hate Maria, but she needed to die in this. XD

PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! :D

-Cookie


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